Jesus loves me, this I know?

Jesus loves me, HE LOVES ME. Think about that, I mean really think about it. Stop. Close your eyes. Let those words sink in. He. Loves. Me. As simple as it seems, this is my story, a journey of learning and grasping the meaning of these words. My life has been transformed by this revelation. And I believe that it is a revelation that I can search out for my entire lifetime. Get past the cheesy bible songs and Christian memorabilia that carry this phrase and consider every sinful thing you’ve ever done, will do, and think about. Consider even those dark secrets that you carried deep within your heart, the ones that you were afraid to speak out loud in a room by yourself. Now consider this, Jesus looks through those things, and He stares you in the face. He doesn’t look at you the way you look at yourself, with layers of dirt covering your skin. He stares into your eyes like you are the only person that matters in the entire world, and He says, “I love you.” 

While this may sound simple to some, I think this is something that most churches, most Christians have not really grasped. If we did, there would be no boring church service, no gripping the pews thinking only about what we are going to eat for lunch (guilty). Every time we had a chance to encounter God, whether in church or in our bedroom, would be pure joy, reckless abandonment, and wholehearted devotion. It would be like diving into a swimming pool on a blazing hot day or taking the first bite of chocolate cake after months on a sugar free diet. Yet this is the heart of God; we are robbing ourselves if we experience anything less!

My whole life I tried to be good enough for Jesus, I tried to earn His love. I thought if I went to church five times a week, led bible studies, had the perfect leadership positions, joined the right clubs, that maybe he would look past my laundry list of sins and love me. Oh, everyone told me He loved me, I must have heard it a million times. But I passed that off as an obligatory love, the “I know I have to love her but I don’t have to like her” type of love (yeah, admit it, we’ve all said that). Not the love that raises the hairs on your arms, captures your heart, and puts a fire in your bones. No, God could never love me like that; He’s seen what I’ve done. But, as much as I tried, I could never do enough to take away the guilt and shame that I drowned in every night as I laid still in my bed after a day of striving.

I came to college sick of trying, because I had been around the typical Christian block too many times. I said all the right things and did all the Christian things, but it wasn’t working. I was an abandoned mansion, beautiful on the outside but so empty and lifeless on the inside. And then Jesus met me, and I haven’t been the same since. I always relied on what people said about Him and what they said about me. For the first time, I heard what He said about Himself and what He said about me. They said that I was clothed in dirty rags, but He clothed me in a beautiful, royal gown. They said I could never be pure again, He said, “My blood has covered you, and I have made you pure.” Years of condemnation and shame and sin fell off of me, like clothes that were WAY too big. The lies did not fit me anymore, and I was free. The voice of Jesus had finally drowned out the voice of the world and all I could hear in my ears was, “Katie, I love you, I love you, I love you.”

His love set me free, His love healed me, and His love gave me indescribable joy. I was no longer an abandoned mansion, I was a glass house. Why? Because I finally realized something. He loves me. I didn’t have to try or strive or earn, He just loves me. He doesn’t love me for who I could be; He loves me for who I am. And His love is enough. When Jesus’ love is truly enough, guilt and bondage do not exist. They cannot exist. If I believe in a God who saved me at the cross, why would I try to save myself? If I believe in a God who carries my burdens, then why would I try to carry the burden on my own? If I believe in a God who sets me free, then how can I think I could set myself free? Because I didn’t know His love. But now I know. I pray that you, that everyone, would know deeply the intoxicating love of Jesus. And may we all waste our lives loving Him back.