I can't believe I bought this: true life of a SkyMall shopper

I flew to Kansas City last night, and I couldn't decide what to do on the flight. I didn't want to read or sleep and I couldn't turn on my iPod yet. So naturally, I decided to peruse SkyMall. If you're ever bored on a plane, just let me suggest SkyMall for entertainment. Not only can you get a huge kick out of it, but you can also play the price is right if your neighbor will cooperate (my dad wasn't feeling it).

Anyway, although entertaining, I'm convinced that SkyMall is simply a disastrous combo of American materialism and laziness. They either 1) try to sell you completely ridiculous and useless things that people convince themselves they need only after sitting for hours on a plane or 2) sell you things that actually look great at at least double the price. And the stuff never works. If it sounds too good to be true in SkyMall, it is. Although I can't claim to have purchased anything from this classy magazine, I hear that it only ends in disappointment. 

So the combination of boredom and hilarity I experienced while reading inspired me to share. Here is my list of the most outrageous items in SkyMall. If I ever see these things in your house, I don't think I'll be able to stop myself from judging you.

 1. Monogrammed pool float. Yes! Please monogram my plastic float and sell it back to me for $200!

2. Porch potty. If you buy this, you probably shouldn't have a dog. 

3. Koozy Kaddy. The tagline for this is "never bend down for your drink again." Laziness at its finest.

4. Homegrown mushrooms. "I always dreamed of having my very own mushroom-in-a-box kit." Things people never say.

5. The healthiest deep fryer. Sorry, SkyMall, I just don't believe you.

6. Animated shark and raptor hoodies. "Use it to work your way through a crowd"?? No. Please don't ever buy your kids this.

7. Bedbug cocoon. I don't even care if this works, he looks ridiculous.

8. The Slanket. Taking the snuggie to a whole new level with the Siamese blanket, better known as the slanket.

Now, just so you know that I can also be lured into the SkyMall trap, here's one item that I would actually want in a world where people gave me awesome stuff for free...

This beautiful password protected video spy pen. It would be perfect for my double life as a secret agent (feel free to gather the community and purchase this for my next birthday).

Hope you enjoyed. If you didn't, it's okay that we don't have the same sense of humor... we can still be friends.